I love you. And hate me(Graphic)

June 7th, 2007.

Hello,

Im not the best writer so bare with me. i just had to get this shit out of my head. So i guess i'll start off with my name for anyone who might read this. Im Jack Phillips. im 27 years old, I live in hell. well no. i live in Washington State. But it feels like hell. Because i am in love with the girlfriend of someone i hate. I hate him because he is with the women i love. She knows i love her, as iv pulled no punches when it comes to letting my feelings toward her known. Iv known her. Kate Reese. for 5 years. i was there when her parents died. i was there the first time her first husband hit her, (a base ball bat took care of the fuck pretty fast) I was there when she had her first miscarriage. iv been with her through fucking E V E R Y T H I N G and i cant understand why she dosent love me, she has feelings for me, she "cares" about me she says. and whenever i say the words I love you, she jokes around, its always playful. like, Luv ya too!! with a smiley face. i have a facebook account..fuck everybody has one now. but i have her on there. and she likes to upload pictures of her and this cocksucker todd. Everytime i see one of her with him it feels like someone is squeezing my heart like a sponge and throwing it in a kettle of boiling water. Shes tearing me apart from the inside. I hate feeling this way. and because we are friends we talk regularly and i find myself saying things mean or hurtful to her. in my mind in turning her into a bad person and shes NOT. shes is a great person. my best friend. But the more i talk to her, The more I turn into something i hate. I hate myself already but this makes it worse because it proves that nobody in there right mind would be with me, Im a failure, i failed at school, dropped out, i fail at my job, im barely scraping by, i fucked up every relationship iv ever been in. I dont desurve to have her. But neither does he. There is one good thing im good at, Im a great lier. i cant stand Todd. but iv gotten him to think we are friends. hes even invited me to a party this saturday, Kates going to be out of town for the weekend at her sister place. Todds a beer drinker. if i can convince him to go with me to get beer. i'll let him drive, and while we are on the highway i'll grab the wheel and send us in to oncoming traffic. i'll probably die too but fuck. least i wont feel this gut wrenching torture anymore....


The evening of June 9th the local newspapers bore a small article.

Two men recovered in crash.

The driver Todd Andrew Walker found barely breathing but alive in the wreckage of a four door sudan. His passenger, Jack Michael Phillips was found Dead some 50 yards from the the scene, Officials report that he was thrown from the vehicle upon impact, exiting through the windshield and from apparent markings on the body was run over by a passing vehicle. Mr. Walker has been airlifted to a local hospital and placed in ICU. Mr. Phillips has no known family.

...wow.

Whoa...