Writers' Haven
Would you like to react to this message? Create an account in a few clicks or log in to continue.

A Haven for Writers to Set Their Imagination Free
 
HomeLatest imagesSearchRegisterLog in

 

 What Now?

Go down 
4 posters
AuthorMessage
Dante
Wikipedia Footnote
Wikipedia Footnote
Dante


Posts : 31
Join date : 2011-05-20
Age : 33
Location : New Port Richey

What Now? Empty
PostSubject: What Now?   What Now? I_icon_minitimeSat May 21, 2011 8:18 am

I'm sitting in my computer chair staring at a black screen, I look down at my messy desk, its been months since i cared to cleaned it. I just do not feel like doing anything. I glance at the clock beside me.

*!2:43Am...Damn*

I sigh and gather up the papers, with no place to put them, the one on top, a phone bill reads "Mr. Morgen. Please pay 160$ to avoid service interruptions" I turn in my swivel chair and throw the papers across the room and grab my phone. Starring at it for a moment, My finger hits speed-dial.

*She prolly wont pick up..."

It rings three times and the voice i love comes through the speaker.

*What Samuel?*

I lose my train of thought for a moment, Forgetting what i had been planning for the first half of my day *I... I just wanted to talk..*

She cuts me off. *What makes you think i have anything to say to you??*

I return with *Well...you picked up the phone*

A voice in my head speaks up from the corner of my mind "Nice one" She yells at me

*Dont give me your sarcastic bullshit Sam.. I gave you everything!..Everything!. my love, my trust, my body and my soul--* I glance down at the wedding band on my finger *--And you threw it away for what? ....A cockpop?!*

I cant say anything, She is right, A tear slides down my left cheek, The first one for years. And the last one forever.

She yells over the phone some more, And i start to block it out as i always do, Then something, Maybe the voice in my head snapped at me "No..you need to listen to this" I focus my attention on her just as the word Hate started to exit the sweet lips i so dearly love.

I finally blurt out *Chrissy Im sorry!!*

I continue in a low voice, barely audible *I love you Christina. You cant even fathom how much, I fucked up, i fucked up real bad --No shit?-- and i cant ever take it back*

A smile crosses my face as sweet realization slaps me across the face.

*Everything i touch turns to shit Chris....*

I trail off as a stream of tears fall from my eyes. Im shaking slightly now but my voice remains steady.

*Every good thing in my life i fuck away* I lean back in my chair and chuckle *Literally in this case*

She has fallen silent now, Probably loving the sound of my self loathing-- I glance at the clock, 12:52Am--

*I hope someday you find someone who loves you*

I wipe the tears from my eyes

*Someone who wont cause you as much pain as i did*

I lay my head on the back of my chair

*As for me, I have nobody but you..Had nobody but you*

I run my fingers through my hair

*Im tired doll. sick of living without you. and done living for you..*

I trail off again losing my train of thought and fall silent for a moment, listening to the sound of her breathing and think back to a nicer time, us laying in bed together, her head on my shoulder. I shake my head vigorously, ridding myself of something that can never happen again

*I know someday you'll have a beautiful life.....*

I pass out, my hand slips from my ear and i drop the phone on the wood floor with a "Crack!" The Oxy Vicodin Vodka cocktail had kicked in, starting to take me from this room to a place of sweet endless painless slumber.

Chris, realizing what may be happening panicked and called to me, begging me to pick up the phone, by this time im slipping in and out of consciousness, i see her face but i must be hallucinating, i try to reach for her but i cant pull my arm up, she just smiles at me. Time has stopped for me. but time does not matter to me anymore. Chris has dialed 9/11, they arrive in 5 minutes. At 1:04Am the EMTs announce me: Samuel, Dean, Morgen. Dead On Arrival.


Last edited by Dante on Wed May 25, 2011 11:07 am; edited 3 times in total
Back to top Go down
FallenSoulAngel
Administrator
Administrator
FallenSoulAngel


Posts : 107
Join date : 2011-05-18
Age : 30
Location : Where the fallen dance forever in sorrow

What Now? Empty
PostSubject: Re: What Now?   What Now? I_icon_minitimeSat May 21, 2011 12:46 pm

Wow...that was...a really good read. My only nit pick is the grammar and spelling and the way the dialogue is written but other than that I enjoyed it
Back to top Go down
https://writerhaven.forumotion.com
Dante
Wikipedia Footnote
Wikipedia Footnote
Dante


Posts : 31
Join date : 2011-05-20
Age : 33
Location : New Port Richey

What Now? Empty
PostSubject: Re: What Now?   What Now? I_icon_minitimeSun May 22, 2011 5:26 am

Thats how one writes with for hours sleep in two days lol, at least thats how i write.. i,m thinking about elaborating it a bit more later, go into the events leading up to his death, fix the errors. Etc. but yeh, its not perfect... but neither is he.
Back to top Go down
FallenSoulAngel
Administrator
Administrator
FallenSoulAngel


Posts : 107
Join date : 2011-05-18
Age : 30
Location : Where the fallen dance forever in sorrow

What Now? Empty
PostSubject: Re: What Now?   What Now? I_icon_minitimeSun May 22, 2011 11:58 am

Practice makes perfect lol xDD And reading a lot helps as well
Back to top Go down
https://writerhaven.forumotion.com
LadyFairfax
Wikipedia Footnote
Wikipedia Footnote
LadyFairfax


Posts : 31
Join date : 2011-05-23
Age : 29
Location : Temple of Shadows

What Now? Empty
PostSubject: Re: What Now?   What Now? I_icon_minitimeTue May 24, 2011 2:23 am

Dude, I love it!
I don't care about spelling mistakes and stuff,
But please, please, PLEASE, consider spacing?
Just a little?
Please?


It would be greatly appreicated..

From, a reader, who loves to read.
Back to top Go down
Dante
Wikipedia Footnote
Wikipedia Footnote
Dante


Posts : 31
Join date : 2011-05-20
Age : 33
Location : New Port Richey

What Now? Empty
PostSubject: Re: What Now?   What Now? I_icon_minitimeWed May 25, 2011 7:10 am

Better?
Back to top Go down
FallenSoulAngel
Administrator
Administrator
FallenSoulAngel


Posts : 107
Join date : 2011-05-18
Age : 30
Location : Where the fallen dance forever in sorrow

What Now? Empty
PostSubject: Re: What Now?   What Now? I_icon_minitimeWed May 25, 2011 7:18 am

lol better xDD

(though you usually separate dialogue (like one guy says this then enter, then another guy says that)


Last edited by FallenSoulAngel on Wed May 25, 2011 11:08 am; edited 1 time in total
Back to top Go down
https://writerhaven.forumotion.com
Dante
Wikipedia Footnote
Wikipedia Footnote
Dante


Posts : 31
Join date : 2011-05-20
Age : 33
Location : New Port Richey

What Now? Empty
PostSubject: Re: What Now?   What Now? I_icon_minitimeWed May 25, 2011 10:51 am

bahh,,,you cant even spell..stop telling me how to write stuff (just kidding) :D

its edited again!!!..*Sigh* GAWD!! *slams door*



Last edited by Dante on Wed May 25, 2011 11:09 am; edited 1 time in total
Back to top Go down
FallenSoulAngel
Administrator
Administrator
FallenSoulAngel


Posts : 107
Join date : 2011-05-18
Age : 30
Location : Where the fallen dance forever in sorrow

What Now? Empty
PostSubject: Re: What Now?   What Now? I_icon_minitimeWed May 25, 2011 11:08 am

lol i was tired xDD
Back to top Go down
https://writerhaven.forumotion.com
LadyFairfax
Wikipedia Footnote
Wikipedia Footnote
LadyFairfax


Posts : 31
Join date : 2011-05-23
Age : 29
Location : Temple of Shadows

What Now? Empty
PostSubject: Re: What Now?   What Now? I_icon_minitimeWed May 25, 2011 11:17 am

Dudeeeeee
Much better.
Much, MUCH better.

Spelling is different in different countries,
For example..
In Canada, I spell "favourite" with a "u"
In America, (and most places..) its not spelled that way.
Back to top Go down
FallenSoulAngel
Administrator
Administrator
FallenSoulAngel


Posts : 107
Join date : 2011-05-18
Age : 30
Location : Where the fallen dance forever in sorrow

What Now? Empty
PostSubject: Re: What Now?   What Now? I_icon_minitimeWed May 25, 2011 11:20 am

LoL, i just gave the modify button some love xDD
Back to top Go down
https://writerhaven.forumotion.com
Haddix
Wikipedia Footnote
Wikipedia Footnote
Haddix


Posts : 17
Join date : 2011-05-25
Age : 30
Location : The FAYZ, Temptasia.

What Now? Empty
PostSubject: Re: What Now?   What Now? I_icon_minitimeThu May 26, 2011 7:54 am

I would have gone about writing this a bit different, but we're too different people. lol. It's still really, really good. Keep writing. Practice makes perfect, buddehh. ;]
Back to top Go down
http://www.tubgirl.ca
Sponsored content





What Now? Empty
PostSubject: Re: What Now?   What Now? I_icon_minitime

Back to top Go down
 
What Now?
Back to top 
Page 1 of 1

Permissions in this forum:You cannot reply to topics in this forum
Writers' Haven :: Fiction :: Short Stories-
Jump to: